Friday, October 28, 2011

Those Eyes


I love sneaking into her room when she wakes up.  She can always seem to sense when I'm in there and starts looking around.  Then I'll peek at her through the slats of her crib and she'll try to grab my face :) it's a very advanced, technical game. I'll teach it to you sometime.

5 months




  Our girl is such a little joy.  She is a bright, happy, alert baby.  Her hair is coming in so strawberry blonde (just like her aunt Bee), and her eyes are as bright blue as ever.  She made 77th percentile in height at her last appointment and is super strong, before her injury she was able to stand holding onto things, and boy is she determined.  She wants to sit up by herself so badly and is always trying, she looks like she is doing crunches all day long.  When in her stroller, her head never touches the back because she wants to sit up the whole time.  She also loves to stare at lights or windows and still loves being outside, even now when it is cold.  Livs also loves her books and is interested in the pictures when I read to her.  Going on a Bear Hunt has been a bit hit and she likes it when I do the actions to the noises on her arms or tummy and will point to the different pictures when I point.
  She is in the stage now where she wants to put her mouth on everything.  Lately the front of her shirts are always wet from all the drool she produces while sucking on her hands, toys, blankets, etc.  She has a time slot right before she gets too tired, when she laughs so easily and thinks it is hilarious when we blow raspberries and smiles so wide when we 'fly' her in the air.  She likes to help with diaper changes and will lift her legs up and straighten them at the appropriate moments (she's been doing this since 3 months).  Olivia is fascinated by Tucker and is so interested in what he is doing.  Tucker, on the other hand, is unnerved by Olivia.  
  Livs has been waking up between 4am and 5 for a feeding for the last few weeks, hopefully she can go back to sleeping through the night again soon.  I have been minding these late-night rendezvous less and less though the bigger she gets.  I get so sad when she grows out of a onesie and when I notice that she hangs off my lap a little more when I feed her because she is getting so tall.  I think about when she will be too big to carry or won't want to snuggle anymore, and it makes me appreciate this stage soooo much.  I can't believe it was 20 weeks ago that we met, I feel like we have known her forever. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Sitting Up!

...almost.  Babygirl doesn't quite have the balance thing down, nor the core strength.  She can sit by propping herself up with her arms though!


Monday, October 17, 2011

The Here and Now

 I'm a stresser.  I stress about things.  I worry, and dwell on, and agonize over things that are and are not in my control.  As a playful reminder, Jack will remind me "not to worry about the turtles."  He is referring to the baby sea turtles that have to dig their way out of the sand and make the treacherous journey to the water while seagulls, humans, sharks, and other predators take advantage of their helpless state.  This used to keep me up at night.  Literally. 
    During less playful moments, Jack makes me list the things on a piece of paper that are out of my control and then tear it up and let them go.  I have to read every article or blog I come across about stillborns, hunger and famines, disabilities, car accidents, etc.  I like to know about the sadness and ugliness in the world rather than be in a cocoon of blissful ignorance, even if it means I obsess about it later.
   All of this fear and worry has an upside.  I try to drink in every moment with my husband and babygirl in anticipation of some unforeseen accident or death (or even the thought of my daughter as a teenager someday, standing at the top of the stairs in a mini skirt screaming that she hates me...the late night feedings seem like heaven then ;)  and I'm always reminding myself that I am so incredibly blessed for my family's health and wonderful circumstances.
   Anyways, today I came across a beautiful article about a woman who has a little boy with tay-sachs disease.  Read it, it will make today's mountains seem like molehills:

Notes from a Dragon Mom

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Hot Fudge

I have a favorite hot fudge recipe.  It's super thick and dark and to die for.  Last night I wanted to make it so I sifted through my huge stack of recipes that are all stuffed haphazardly into my cookbook cupboard.  I found three hot fudge recipes.  All different.  Snap.
  So I made the first one....not it.  The second one....not it.  At this point Jack told me that the hot fudge we had was more than sufficient for our ice cream needs.  I disagreed.  I needed my favorite recipe, not some thin, gruely chocolate.  So that is why, at 10:30 at night, I was standing over the stove making hot fudge sauce for the third time in 3 hours (Olivia had gone to bed of course, otherwise this story would not have happened).  Luckily third time was a charm.  Here it is:

The Only Hot Fudge Sauce Recipe You Will Ever Need


4oz. semi-sweet or dark chocolate
3 Tbsp butter
2/3 c water
1/3 cup sugar
6 Tbsp corn syrup
pinch of salt
1 Tbsp vanilla


Melt chocolate and butter together in a double boiler (heatproof bowl set on rim of boiling water pot).  Or in the microwave if you are in a hurry or are lazy.  Meanwhile, boil the 2/3 cup of water (or use 2/3 c of the water from your double boiler!)  Stir chocolate mixture into water.  Add the sugar, corn syrup, and salt, mix until smooth.  Bring to boil, adjust heat and maintain just at boiling point for 9 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Remove from heat, let cool 15 minutes, and stir in vanilla.  Serve warm over ice cream.  Refrigerate and heat individual portions as needed (or eat cold or warm  straight out of the jar with a spoon like I do....)

Hot Fudge

 I have a favorite hot fudge recipe.  It's super thick and dark and to die for.  Last night I wanted to make it so I sifted through my huge stack of recipes that are all stuffed haphazardly into my cookbook cupboard.  I found three hot fudge recipes.  All different.  Snap.
  So I made the first one....not it.  The second one....not it.  At this point Jack told me that the hot fudge we had was more than sufficient for our ice cream needs.  I disagreed.  I needed my favorite recipe, not some thin, gruely chocolate.  So that is why, at 10:30 at night, I was standing over the stove making hot fudge sauce for the third time in 3 hours (Olivia had gone to bed of course, otherwise this story would not have happened).  Luckily third time was a charm.  Here it is:

The Only Hot Fudge Sauce Recipe You Will Ever Need


4oz. semi-sweet or dark chocolate
3 Tbsp butter
2/3 c water
1/3 cup sugar
6 Tbsp corn syrup
pinch of salt
1 Tbsp vanilla


Melt chocolate and butter together in a double boiler (heatproof bowl set on rim of boiling water pot).  Or in the microwave if you are in a hurry or are lazy.  Meanwhile, boil the 2/3 cup of water (or use 2/3 c of the water from your double boiler!)  Stir chocolate mixture into water.  Add the sugar, corn syrup, and salt, mix until smooth.  Bring to boil, adjust heat and maintain just at boiling point for 9 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Remove from heat, let cool 15 minutes, and stir in vanilla.  Serve warm over ice cream.  Refrigerate and heat individual portions as needed (or eat cold or warm  straight out of the jar with a spoon like I do....)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

New Shoes

*taken before the accident, so no splint

ps. my baby had so much hair when she was born and now it is so sparse! The hair that is growing in is so blonde that it is hard to see except in daylight
pss. ha her chunky legs barely squeeze into her Bumbo.  When I take her out I have to do a little shake-dance to dislodge her

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Fall. . .

Meaning the 2.4 seconds of utter terror I experienced Saturday evening as I was walking down the flight of stairs in our house and slipped on the edge of a step...while holding our baby daughter.

Any inadequacies I've felt during my first experience at being a mother (and believe me, there have been a lot) paled in comparison to the guilt and sadness that have followed this accident.  There were tears shed when Jack took our screaming baby from me right after the incident, while we checked her whole body over for any sign of injury, the moment I realized that she would no longer stand on her left leg, during the x ray where they held her down on a table, after the phone call where we were told she had a fracture in her left tibia, and every time I look at her tiny leg with the splint on it, her little toes barely peeking out of the bottom.  She is scheduled to get a hard cast on the 11th.

I've gotten a lot of support and empathy from other moms in our family. I know that almost all babies (and moms) experience accidents, and I only post this so that if anyone reading this can feel better about little mishaps they have with their babies or kids.  So next time you clip your baby's finger while cutting her nails, or give her the wrong medicine, or feel bad about losing your temper (all things which I have also done), you can think "well, at least I didn't break my baby's leg." :)
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