I'm a stresser. I stress about things. I worry, and dwell on, and agonize over things that are and are not in my control. As a playful reminder, Jack will remind me "not to worry about the turtles." He is referring to the baby sea turtles that have to dig their way out of the sand and make the treacherous journey to the water while seagulls, humans, sharks, and other predators take advantage of their helpless state. This used to keep me up at night. Literally.
During less playful moments, Jack makes me list the things on a piece of paper that are out of my control and then tear it up and let them go. I have to read every article or blog I come across about stillborns, hunger and famines, disabilities, car accidents, etc. I like to know about the sadness and ugliness in the world rather than be in a cocoon of blissful ignorance, even if it means I obsess about it later.
All of this fear and worry has an upside. I try to drink in every moment with my husband and babygirl in anticipation of some unforeseen accident or death (or even the thought of my daughter as a teenager someday, standing at the top of the stairs in a mini skirt screaming that she hates me...the late night feedings seem like heaven then ;) and I'm always reminding myself that I am so incredibly blessed for my family's health and wonderful circumstances.
Anyways, today I came across a beautiful article about a woman who has a little boy with tay-sachs disease. Read it, it will make today's mountains seem like molehills:
Notes from a Dragon Mom