Sunday, March 4, 2012

Her Spirit

I complained a lot when I was pregnant, because I didn't know.  I didn't know how it would be to have a child, and so I couldn't fathom how it would be not to have that child.

I didn't bond to Olivia right away.  I loved her, of course, and thought she was incredibly beautiful; but the first few weeks were hard because, to me, she was a job and a lifestyle change.

Slowly things changed, after a few weeks I was attached, and after nine months with her I can't live without her.  She's the air in my lungs and the sun on my face.  Olivia's generous, bright spirit permeates our entire house with her goodness and light.  I can't even think about her too much without getting emotional.  I'm hesitant to have another baby because I'm sure it would reduce me to a weepy puddle of emotional jello if I had to have two Olivias in the house, both with this kind of grasp on my heart and senses :)

I can't imagine the kind of pain a person goes through when losing a child, whether at 3 months pregnant, or 5 years old.  We are blessed.  And I won't complain so much next time, because now I know.

excuse the crappy photo I took with my crappy phone while hanging over the back of my seat in the car.  It makes me happy.
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