Tuesday, April 10, 2012

You know you are a stay-at-home mom if

1. you determine whether a shirt is clean by smelling the shoulder for spit-up/food/boogies
2. you only wash said shirt if it smells strongly of spit-up/food/boogies.  Mild odor? You go ahead and put it on.
3. your bedside table used to hold gum, contraceptives, the remotes, face cream, and a novel. It now houses fresh diapers, wipes, a 'boogie-sucker' (nasal aspirator :), 10,000 tiny socks, and What to Expect the First Year.
4. You hear a baby crying in the movie theater/store line/restaurant and smile instead of get bugged.
5. A braid is considered 'doing your hair' because it is a step up from a bun.
6. You are stoked to get out alone with your spouse, and then spend the whole date talking about your child.
7. The muscles on your arms look as though you work down at the docks hauling crates
8. You now use words like 'yucky, yummy, and poopy' when talking to adults
9. You take showers, not to get clean, but to be alone
10. You can cook full meals, type emails, and clean the house with one hand
11. You own the latest trends from Baby Gap and The Children's Place, but you yourself are wearing one of your husband's old t-shirts and yoga pants that you bought 3 years ago. Every day.
12. You notice loud noises and do everything quietly so as not to wake the baby.  Even when the baby is awake or home with a sitter
13. Your definition of a clean room means there are no toys to trip over in the major walkways
14. You can't remember what it's like to feel completely rested
15. Sometimes the only exciting news you have to relay to your spouse at the end of the day has to do with fun facts about sea animals, puppies, or kitties that you learned from a Disney Junior show (or if you're husband served a Spanish-speaking mission like mine did, you impress him with your Dora Spanish)
16. You rock back and forth even when you are not holding your child
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