Monday, December 17, 2012

Newtown, CT

I can't stop thinking about it.  I can't stop crying about it.  I don't need to stop thinking about it, because I'm sure those families will be thinking about it every day for the rest of their lives.  Why does this have to happen?  Can't we feel safe anywhere anymore?  Can't we send our children to school and trust that they won't be killed in cold blood?  How can we live in a world where we even have to ask that question?

I wish I knew how to make it stop, but people have their agency and the downfall of that is that sometimes they are able to use it to take away the agency of others.

Last night I read a list of the victims of the shooting.  I read how many of them were born in 2006 and for some reason, that is was got to me the most.  2006 was such a short time ago.  These precious children were so small, had lived so little of their lives.  I cried to Jack about it and then went in to Olivia's room and put my hand on her warm chest.  I felt her heart beat, and listened to the air go in and out of her lungs as she slept, and was grateful.  I felt for all of those mommies and daddies who would give anything to be doing what I was doing: watching their child sleep, safe in their bed....and then Olivia opened her eyes and I had to hit the ground and army crawl around a pile of Legos to get out of the room. Level: Stealth.

The point is, I'm grateful for every moment that could be taken away.  I just wish that such reminders didn't exist.
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