Tuesday, March 19, 2013

back home and on bedrest

Jack and I just spent a crazy wonderful week in Hawaii with our best friends.  I know. We are so blessed.  My mom and little sister stayed at our house with Olivia.  I had anxiety for months before the trip, and almost considered not going, but I had gotten to the point where I really needed a break.  Pregnancy, a very active toddler, and a long winter had taken a toll on my body and spirit.  I spent nights and days praying long and hard that I would be able to take this week away from home and away from our little girl and be able to not only do it without tears, but enjoy it and make it worth the while.  And I did it.  WE did it.  When it came down to it, I think Jack had a harder time leaving her than I did.  I had mentally and spiritually prepared for it a little more I think.

I made oodles of lists and instructions and posted them all over the house for my mom, but at the end of the day we just had to buck up and walk out the door.  Trusting that my mom would keep her safe and happy.  I have never been nervous flying, but I had a moment on the plane when we hit some bad turbulence and scary thoughts entered my head about us never making it back and Olivia being raised by someone other than her parents just because I was selfish enough to take a vacation instead of staying with my responsibilities.  Jack talked me down and again through prayer I was able to feel better about our decision and knew that we would make it back safe.

It was never an option to bring her, I knew that Hawaii would not be Olivia-friendly and it would end up being mores hard work and stress to bring her than not.  It was strange making the transition from taking care of another person all day to just thinking about ME.  I only packed for me. I could just read my book and listen to music on the plane without worrying about a little girl running up and down the aisles.  I didn't have to look for healthy toddler-friendly options at every meal and pack snacks or diapers for every situation.  I didn't have to worry about nap schedules and bedtime according to the time change, and I could sit and relax as much as I wanted.  It was just what I needed before our second little girl arrives and adds a new level of craziness to our lives.

I'll do a Hawaii post sometime later this week, we got some great pics and made amazing memories.

For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling more and more pressure down in my pelvis, and some pain and strain down low.  I chalked it up to new baby sitting so low (something I never experienced with Olivia until the week before delivery), but it started to get worse the last couple of days in Hawaii, to the point where I considered going to the doctor our last day there.  We decided to wait until we got back to our own OBGYN, and right before our flight home Jack and Jordan gave me a blessing that I would be fine on the plane home and there would be nothing to worry about in traveling.

As soon as we landed in Salt Lake I called the Dr's office and was told he was on call at the hospital, but that I needed to go there asap to make sure everything was fine.  After two hours of being monitored and checked and having urine processed, I was told that I hadn't dilated at all and the baby was totally fine, but that there were the beginnings of an infection.  They sent for a culture and I was told to go on modified bedrest for the next couple of days until they know for sure what we are dealing with.  It's funny that an infection (probably a UTI) can cause so much pressure and discomfort while you are pregnant.  So my visions of spending our first days home chasing and playing with Olivia and going for walks in the welcome new sunshine of Northern Utah have to be postponed.  Luckily, she did wonderfully with my mom and they got lots of playtime and outdoor exercise in while we were gone.  And my mom even kept the whole house clean!

It's okay, a week of vacation followed by quiet days spent on the couch reading books and watching movies with my little lovie don't sound so bad (Liv is usually only allowed one or two movies a week, so I'm sure it will be a treat for her too).  Now I can keep her close and smell her head and cover her in kisses enough to make up for last week.

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